The Young, the Brave and the Beautiful

Chapter Three

WOODS. EARLY EVENING.

Buffy, Faith, Rory and Paris race through the woods towards the lake. The woods lie on the outskirts of Stars Hollow. Faith and Paris run together. Buffy and Rory race along a few dozen yards in front of them.

In between the huffing and puffing -

FAITH

Can I ask you something?

PARIS

Sure.

FAITH

Back there. Why did you think... me and...

PARIS

Why did I think you and Buffy were married?

FAITH

This is crazy... Yes.

PARIS

Well, it's obvious, isn't it?

FAITH

What's obvious?

PARIS

You're in love with Buffy.

Faith stops dead in her tracks. Her face flares with anger. Paris stops.

FAITH

You don't know what the hell you're talking about! I am not in love with Buffy Summers! Got that!

PARIS

We need to keep going. C'mon.

They start back running. Faith waits for some kind of response from Paris, but Paris is silent.

FAITH

Well, say something.

PARIS

Fine. You're a liar.

FAITH

Why am I a liar?

PARIS

Because you are in love with Buffy. Even I could see that. Faith, you are so in love with that girl it's not even funny.

FAITH

This is nuts!... How can you say that? I mean... I mean we fight all the time...

PARIS

My point exactly... Faith, I've been there. I know how you feel. Me and Rory use to fight all the time too. But in reality, we were in love, but it came out as anger, because we didn't know any other way to express it. I have a feeling it's the same way with you and Buffy... You should tell her.

Faith tries to absorb all this. She has the look of a drowning person grasping for a life vest. Finally -

FAITH

I can't.

PARIS

Tell her!

FAITH

I can't... You don't understand. There's just too much history between us... It's a long story.

PARIS

None of that matters now. Does it? ... Tell her, Faith. She deserves to know.

Faith has an anguished, tortured look on her face. They continue towards the lake.

LAKE. EARLY EVENING.

The four women exit the woods, and reach the banks of the lake.

RORY

OK. It's down this way. Follow me.

Rory starts running along the west bank of the lake, with Faith and Buffy right behind her. They turn and notice Paris is not with them.

PARIS

Not a Slayer here people. Need to rest.

They hold up a minute while Paris catches her breath. Paris then joins them, and they take off.

BUFFY

What are we looking for?

RORY

An oak tree. A really big, old oak tree... Hey, there it is.

Rory runs up to a large oak tree nestled by the edge of the water.

RORY

This is it... God, I haven't seen this tree in ages... I had my first kiss here.

BUFFY

Ah, she's blushing.

FAITH

Was it a girl or a boy?

RORY

Wouldn't you like to know.

FAITH

You're not coming on to me, are you, Rory?

PARIS

Hey, got a sword here.

At the oak tree Rory turns to her left and walks up to the edge of the woods. She then walks twenty paces deep into the woods, stops, turns right, and walks a hundred feet or so until she reaches the side of an adjoining hill. She stops. She begins probing the overgrowth that blankets the side of the hill.

RORY

It's around here somewhere.

She finally notices some softness in the overgrowth. She is able to put her entire hand through.

RORY

Here's the entrance to the cave.

Faith uses her sword to hack away some of the overgrowth. They enter the cave.

CAVE. EVENING.

The cave is eerie. Moss hangs like daggers from the cave ceiling, throwing ghostly shadows in the distance. Rory uses a flashlight to light the way. They walk slowly along the dark corridor.

RORY

Lane! Lane! Can you hear me! Are you here!

There is no response.

BUFFY

Maybe she's not here.

RORY

She's here. Let's keep going.

They continue along. Faith walks along side Rory.

FAITH

So you and your friend Lane use to come here when you were kids, huh?

RORY

Yep. Had some real good times back then.

FAITH

I hear that. Dark. Scary. Oooh. Just what you need to get a young girl's heart going all pitter patter, get those juices flowing... So you and Lane ever come here and play, you know, doctor?

BUFFY

Faith!

FAITH

Well, I guess in your case, it would be, nurse?

BUFFY

Faith, what's wrong with you?

FAITH

I'm just playin'. Get a grip, Buff.

RORY

It's OK... Me and Lane were strictly friends... Kid stuff... But one time I did kiss her though.

PARIS

What! You kissed Lane?

RORY

Actually she kissed me.

PARIS

When did this happen?

BUFFY

Uh oh, lover's spat.

RORY

Not too long before we married. It's not what you think, Paris. It was... well it was just something that happen... Hard to explain... But it didn't mean anything. It was just friendship... As a matter of fact, if it wasn't for Lane, we probably wouldn't be married right now. She gave me the courage to pursue you and win you.

PARIS

Really?

RORY

Yeah.

PARIS

I'm sorry. I didn't know. I... I just go bonkers sometimes. Sometimes I think I love you too much... Rory, I don't want you to be a vampire slayer! The sight of you with that sword scares the daylights out of me. Let's turn around right now, leave this place. I'm afraid for you -

RORY

I know. But I can't. I have a sacred duty... Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen. As long as you're by my side, I never have to worry.

PARIS

Oh, Rory...

They embrace. They kiss passionately. Obviously, this is an awkward moment for Faith and Buffy! Nonetheless, Faith takes Buffy by the hand and leads her aside. Buffy stares at Faith, wondering.

BUFFY

Faith, I can hear your heart beating.

FAITH

That's because I'm so nervous... God... I don't know how to say this, so I'll just say it... Buffy... Buffy... I... I -

Rory interrupts -

RORY

Hey, I think I see something over here!

Rory breaks loose from Paris. She rushes up to a section of the cave wall. Carved into the wall is a ring about ten feet in diameter. At the center of the ring is the outline of a handprint.

RORY

I've seen this before.

BUFFY

When you were little?

RORY

No... In one of my dreams.

Rory puts her right hand in the outline of the handprint. It fits perfectly. Suddenly, a section of the wall opens up. It leads to a hidden corridor. The girls brace themselves, not knowing what to expect. They draw their swords, nerves steeled, ready for anything.

FAITH

It's a passageway. Let's go.

Warily, they head down the passageway.

BUFFY

(to Rory and Paris)

You two do know how to use those things, right?

Paris twirls her sword expertly in her hand. She then tosses it in the air and catches it.

BUFFY

Whoa. Where did you learn that?

PARIS

Rory and I both fence.

BUFFY

Then you two should be able to handle yourselves no problem then.

No sooner were the words out of Buffy's mouth, when something attacks Rory!

RORY

Hey!

PARIS

What's wrong!

RORY

Something's got me!

Rory takes her sword and hacks at it, knocking it to the ground. Then - WHAM! - she impales it with her sword. Buffy reaches down and picks up the carcass.

BUFFY

Congratulations. Your first kill Ms. Rory the Vampire Slayer. You just slew a clump of moss.

FAITH

Must have fallen from the ceiling.

Faith and Buffy burst out into laughter.

RORY

Hey, that's not funny... God, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

BUFFY

(holding up the clump of moss)

You want to preserve this for posterity? Maybe have it stuffed, hang it on your wall, make a nice trophy.

RORY

Hardy, har, har... Can we go.

They continue on.

RORY

So what's it like to kill a vampire?

BUFFY

Not as exciting as killing a big ol' clump of moss, I can tell you... Nothing really. It's your job - well, I don't really know about you, you being not just a Slayer, but a Guardian. I don't know how all that works... Anyway, you just have to remember a vampire is dead. It's this thing, and it feeds off the innocent -

FAITH

Good Lord, B. You make it sound like pulling teeth. Rory, let me tell you what it's like. It's like having sex. See, you're patrolling, that's like foreplay, cause that's when you're just scoping things out. Then when you actually engage the vampire, that's like the act itself, because you're gettin' all down and dirty. And then when you dust `em, that's like when the sex is over, cause you can relax, have a smoke, enjoy the moment. Got it?

RORY

Thanks for that vivid description.

PARIS

So did you two ever do it?

Buffy's eyeballs damn near jump out the sockets!

BUFFY

Uhhh...

PARIS

I mean, do you ever slay together?

BUFFY

Oh. I thought you meant -

FAITH

Who me and Buff? All the time. This is my girlfriend. We're the Terrible Two, inseparable, like that.

(intertwines her fingers)

Right Buff?

BUFFY

Right...

(to Paris)

I have a question. Um, you don't have to answer if it's too personal. But I was wondering, how did you two get hitched up? I mean, you seem so happy together.

PARIS

Actually, Rory and I got married in Paris, France. Under the Eiffel Tower.

BUFFY

Wow. How romantic.

RORY

But that was just a symbolic ceremony. It didn't have any legal standing.

PARIS

Yeah. See, after the ceremony in Paris, we got formally joined in a civil ceremony in Vermont. In Vermont they have civil unions for gays now.

BUFFY

Oh... So if - hypothetically - two women of your persuasion wanted to tie the knot so to speak, all they would have to do is -

PARIS

Swing up to Vermont and have a civil ceremony done. That's it. Easy as cake. Heck it's only a couple hours drive from here. It was the best damn thing Rory and I ever did. We're blissfully happy.

BUFFY

Well, you two seem genuinely happy... All this is very interesting to know...

(to Faith)

What's wrong, Faith? You lookin' kinda queasy over there.

Queasy? Poor Faith looks like she is ready to keel over! Had Buffy figured out she was ready to confess her love back there? And what the hell was all this talk about civil unions? Was Buffy thinking about - mercy be! - popping the question? Egad!

Fortunately for Faith's sanity, they come upon an underground lake. They stand at the edge of the lake. Suddenly, Rory screams in agony, grabbing her temples.

PARIS

What's wrong?

RORY

I'm OK... A bunch of images flooded my mind.

PARIS

Of what?

RORY

Follow me.

Rory steps into the lake, and the three girls follow her. They swim to the bottom of the lake, passing underneath an underground rock column. They emerge out of the water on the other side of the column.

They stand on the bank of the lake. Directly ahead is a corridor, about a hundred feet long. At the end they can see a light. They walk towards it, swords drawn.

They edge along slowly, eyes peeled, and at last reach the end of the corridor. The corridor opens to a large cavern. The cavern in turn is connected to another, smaller cavern, from which the light emerges.

They enter the first cavern. Suddenly, an ear-splitting shriek - Aiiiiyeeeee!!! - breaks the silence. Even Faith and Buffy - hardened warriors - feel a chill run down their spines. The four women are attacked by a dark figure in black slicing through the darkness.

Sparks fly as sword meets sword, steel meets steel. The dark ninja figure, moving with cat-like speed, knocks Buffy's sword out of her hand. The ninja then picks Buffy up and throws her - hard - against the wall. Rory meets a similar fate.

PARIS

Rory!

Paris, enraged, holds her sword over her head, charging the mysterious figure in black. She brings her sword down with ferocious velocity - SWOOSH! - ready to cut the Ninja's head in two. A split second before Paris delivers the fatal blow, the ninja is able to block it. Sparks fly everywhere as sword crashes against sword. The ninja then does a 360 degree turn and kicks Paris in the gut, sending her flying.

Faith takes dead aim at the ninja's midsection, but the ninja meets Faith's sword full force, blocking it. The ninja then grabs Faith with one hand, lifting her off the ground, and throws her out into the corridor. Faith crashes hard to the ground.

All four girls lie sprawled on the ground in severe pain. The ninja marches up to Rory, standing over her, sword cocked, ready to decapitate her. At the last second Rory is able to fumble and find her flashlight. She shines it in the ninja's eyes.

RORY

Lane!

LANE

Rory!

Lane staggers backward, like she has seen a ghost.

LANE

What the hell are you doing here!... Oh God, I almost killed you.

Lane slumps down on one knee, devastated.

RORY

We came here to help you... Your mom told us everything. We know about the Grail... Lane, I'm a Guardian too.

LANE

That's... That's impossible.

BUFFY

It's true... I'm Buffy. And this is Faith. We're vampire slayers too. Not Guardians though.

Lane stares at Buffy. She snaps to her feet and draws her sword, keeping the four women at bay.

LANE

(to Buffy)

I know you. I know you! What is this, some kind of trick? I've seen your portrait in a book I have of all the slayers, all of whom are dead. You're dead!

Lane grips her sword with both hands, her face hard as ice, ready for mortal combat.

BUFFY

No. No. Lane, yes, I did die. Actually I died a couple of times. It's a long story. But I can assure you, this is no trick. I am as real as you are. Here, feel me.

Lane reaches out a tentative right hand and feels Buffy's left arm.

BUFFY

Flesh and blood.

RORY

Feel me.

Lane does. She then slumps back to the ground.

LANE

Will somebody tell me what the hell is going on?

The girls do just that, filling Lane in. Hearing the girls' incredible tale, Lane gets all hyper, pacing back and forth.

LANE

I've got to go to momma... No I can't... No I can since you're here -

RORY

Your mom is fine, Lane. She's at my mom's house. You don't have to worry.

LANE

Kirk... I'll kill him. I kill that bastard! I'll tear him to pieces!

RORY

Calm down, Lane. Let's not do anything rash.

Lane continues to pace frantically. She looks like she is ready to completely lose it.

LANE

That bitch Willow! She's the one responsible for this. She never should have cast that spell. This is all her fault! And who the hell names their kid Willow anyway!

BUFFY

Look, we didn't have a choice -

LANE

What do you mean you didn't have a choice? Since when do we rely on toad's feet and lizard's guts and bizarre incantations in dead languages nobody can understand? Hey, hello, those languages are dead for a reason, you know!... We defeat our enemies with cold hard steel. We're Slayers, we don't do Sabrina.

FAITH

Hey, lighten up. We had a major apocalypse deal going down. We did what we had to do to save the world.

LANE

Idiots! You don't understand! Without the Grail, there won't be a world to save!... We've kept the Grail safe all these years through secrecy, stealth, no one knowing we possess it. But now Kirk knows.

RORY

We don't know that Lane. As far as we know, he doesn't know anything about this place.

Buffy motions with her head to the light emanating from the adjoining cavern.

BUFFY

Is that it? Is that the Grail?

Lane gathers herself, calming down. She walks over to the threshold, her face somber.

LANE

Yes. Have a look.

The girls cluster at the threshold. Awestruck, they look inside and see the Holy Grail resting atop a marble pedestal at the center of the cavern. The Grail shines with a soft otherworldly glow.

LANE

Incredible isn't it? Christ drank out of that cup at the Last Supper. For five hundred years we Slayers have possessed it... The most precious object in the world...

"Yes, it is" a man's voice booms through the air. The women turn around and see Kirk standing in the far threshold. Kirk is wearing a white tunic with a large black cross emblazoned across the front. Obviously, this is not the Kirk we all know and love!

Kirk steps slowly into the cavern. The five women step slowly towards him, swords drawn.

KIRK

Yes, it is the most precious object in the world. But one that does not belong to you. The Holy Grail was captured by the Knights Templar on the Last Crusade. And through our possession of it, God blessed us with unparalleled prosperity. Eventually, we would rule the world. But through the actions of King Philip of France and his harlot Pope, we were driven underground. But their actions changed nothing. Where once we wielded power overtly, we now did so covertly. The results were the same: world dominion. For we knew as long as we possessed the Grail, no one could stand against us.

The centuries passed. The Sangreal was handed down from one generation of Templars to the next. Meanwhile, we continued on our high and exalted mission: to bring order to a world reeling with chaos and strife -

PARIS

And how did you accomplish this? By treating men like serfs, whose sole purpose in life was to serve you, and by killing anyone who opposed you.

KIRK

You, Paris, of all people, raise your voice in protest, considering your family's history? We rule by Divine Right. Our methods need no justification. You know as well as I do some are born to rule, and others to serve. Men are cattle, to be herded over by a select few.

But enough of this... In the year 1490 I became Grand Master of the Knights Templar. The Sangreal became my sacred charge. Not long after I became Grand Master, a great battle was fought. A battle, alas, in which we were not victorious. It was unthinkable, unfathomable. The Knights Templar, the greatest warriors that have ever lived, defeated by a sixteen year old girl! That whore slayer Alexis!

As I lay mortally wounded on the battlefield, my great army destroyed, the Sangreal gone, I prayed for deliverance. My deliverance came in the form of a vampire. He promised me eternal life. The cost: my soul. A bargain. Since that time, I have scoured the earth, searching for the Grail. For five hundred years I looked, to no avail.

Years ago a seer foretold to me that I would find the Grail here, in Stars Hollow. I came to this place and took this form to better blend in, as I have taken many forms over the years. I waited patiently. Now, at long last, my wait is over.

Kirk pulls a sword out from underneath his tunic. Rory freezes in horror. She realizes it's the same sword Kirk killed her with in her dream.

The four slayers and Paris surround Kirk. They stiffen themselves for what they know will be a fight to the death.

KIRK

The time has come for me to restore the Knights Templar to their former glory, by taking back that which is rightfully ours, that which was stolen from us so many centuries ago.

Kirk rears back his sword and - WHAM! - sends a crashing blow down on Lane, sending her flying to the ground. He then backs up against the cave wall, using it as a shield, making sure he keeps the women in front of him.

Buffy, Faith, Rory and Paris strike blow after blow against Kirk, but with lightning-quick reflexes, he is able to block them all. Lane gathers herself and hops to her feet and joins the fray. Kirk fights a defensive battle, using his sword to block their blows, but not returning them. He studies each woman, looking for weaknesses.

Finally, he decides it's time to take the offensive. He charges Buffy and deals her a devastating blow. Buffy is able to block it with her sword, but the force of the blow sends her flying into the wall. The impact is so severe sections of the wall give way and crash on top of her. She reels there in pain.

Faith responds by circling around Kirk and whipping out a wooden stake. She stakes him in the back. Nothing happens. Kirk turns and laughs cynically at Faith.

KIRK

I'm no more an ordinary vampire than you're an ordinary fucked-up misguided youth.

FAITH

You talk too much.

Faith takes a swing at him and misses. Kirk drops to the ground and knocks Faith's feet from under her, sending her toppling over. He then rises and picks her up and throws her head-first into the wall. Faith is knocked instantly unconscious.

With a loud yell, Lane charges Kirk. She tries to tackle him, but he ducks, and she goes flying over his back and lands hard on the ground. Kirk charges Rory, who answers him blow for blow. Paris comes up behind Kirk and takes a swipe at him, but Kirk blocks it and punches her hard in the face with his fist, sending her keeling over. Rory counters with a short-thrust at Kirk's mid-section, and she strikes a grazing blow, drawing blood. Kirk responds with a blow to Rory's chest, which she blocks with her sword, but the force of the blow sends her toppling to the ground.

Kirk pounces on top of Rory. He holds his sword over her chest, ready to kill her. "So this is it" Rory thinks to herself. "This is what it feels like to die. I guess it wasn't a dream after all."

Time seemed frozen. Rory's entire life flashed before: a seven year old girl in a polka-dot dress playing with Lane in the woods; on her knee at the Le Cabaret asking Paris to marry her; the two of them walking in a park, hand in hand, as a gentle spring rain falls.

Suddenly, Rory snapped back to reality.

KIRK

I'm really going to regret killing you, Rory... Hmm. Now that I think about it, I lied. It'll be a pleasure.

Kirk's sword begins its ghastly downward descent. This is it! But at the last second Paris dives from out of nowhere and lands on top of Rory, taking the blow. The cold steel plunges into Paris' chest!

RORY

Paris!

Even Kirk seems stunned. Buffy and Lane hop to their feet and rush Kirk, driving their swords into his back up to the hilt.

Faith regains consciousness and rises.

Kirk staggers about for a second, a grotesque, distorted look on his face, as if it was the first time he had been stabbed with a sword. Then suddenly, miraculously, his wounds heal. He gives Buffy and Lane a grim smirk. He then glances over at the Grail. He makes a beeline for it.

LANE

No!

Just as Kirk reaches the threshold, Lane leaps in the air and slams her fist into the rock archway that forms the threshold. The entire archway collapses, burying Kirk. Lane then does a double somersault over the debris into the cavern. She grabs the Grail and puts it into her backpack. She leaps back over the debris.

LANE

Let's go!

RORY

No... No... Paris!

Paris is bleeding profusely.

BUFFY

Grab her and let's go!

Rory helps Paris up, who can barely stand. Rory wraps her arm around Paris, steadying her, and they hightail it out of there.

WOODS. NIGHT.

They emerge from the cave into the dark woods. Paris continues to bleed, and screams in agony. Nevertheless, they make their way through the woods towards a clearing. In the clearing is an old cemetery. As they reach the clearing -

BACK IN THE CAVE,

Kirk fights his way out from underneath the debris of the crumbled archway. He brushes himself off.

KIRK

Damn, I just washed this tunic this morning. Definitely not a Clorox moment. Oh well.

Kirk holds out his hands, casting them to heaven.

KIRK

And the land of the dead gave up their dead.

BACK IN THE WOODS,

as the girls make their way through the cemetery, suddenly the dead start clawing their way out of their graves! CREEPY! Soon the girls find themselves surrounded by a sea of living corpses. We're talking NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD.

The girls whip out their swords and start hacking away. But to no avail.

FAITH

We're not having any effect! They keep coming!

Four zombies manage to get a hold of Lane. They think she's dinner!

LANE

Hey!

Buffy rushes up to Lane and plunges one of the zombies in the chest. No go. She then delivers a blow to the head, decapitating it. The zombie falls motionless to ground.

BUFFY

That's it. Go for the heads!

And they do. Soon the cemetery is littered with severed heads and decapitated zombie corpses.

The girls leave the clearing behind. They make their way through the woods to the highway. They hop into Rory's jeep, which is parked by the side of the highway. They take off.

HIGHWAY. JEEP. NIGHT.

They speed along. Lane is driving. Buffy sits next to her. In the back they have Paris sprawled out. Rory and Faith kneel next to her. Faith ties a makeshift tourniquet around Paris' chest wound.

Needless to say, Rory is beside herself.

RORY

Paris!... Paris!...

FAITH

(to Rory)

It's gonna be OK. Keep pressure on the wound...

(to Lane)

We gotta get her to a hospital. Now!

LANE

Can't do that. Too risky.

FAITH

What the hell are you talking about? If we don't get her to a hospital fast she's going to die!

LANE

Look, I'm not going to sit here and argue with you!... Rory's my friend. My best friend. But the Grail comes first... There's a place we can go. A place we have for just such an emergency as this. The other Guardian will be waiting there for us.

BUFFY

Wait a minute. There's another one of you?

LANE

Yes. The Guardian line is not like the regular Slayer line. With the Slayer line, its just one of you, until the Slayer dies, then the next one gets called up. With the Guardians, there are always two. It takes two Guardians to protect the Grail. It's just too important.

BUFFY

Oh...

(to Faith)

How's she doin'?

Faith shakes her head sadly no, as if she realizes the end is near, that Paris doesn't have much time left.

Paris continues to drift in and out of consciousness.

FAITH

(to Rory)

She must really love you. That was a brave thing she did back there.

Rory kisses Paris on the forehead.

RORY

You foolish, foolish girl! Why did you do that? You should have let me take that sword!... So young, so brave, so beautiful. You cannot die!